She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
