your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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