I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
