Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
