I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
