Kiss
Puke
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize