It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
