She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need moral support for this bender
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh god it's open bar.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
