Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
