Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
