her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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