....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
