cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
