if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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