Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
