I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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