I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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