Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
