Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
