I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I pour the whiskey from now on
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
