First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
