I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
