Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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