i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
