Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
