also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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