i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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