I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
