Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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