The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
