She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
