Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize