After last night, I could never be a politician.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
