mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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