there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
