pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize