you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
