Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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