community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
