I just threw up on my dentist
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
