How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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