You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
two words: eviction party
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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