you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize