I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
