First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
