remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
