Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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