She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
