He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
