mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
