At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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