I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
