So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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