His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
