He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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