He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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