I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
