Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
