Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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