dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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