Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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