maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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