in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize