Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
