Capitaan dildo arrescate!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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