he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
