Got a toothbrush?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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