Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
