I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
