Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
