Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
