I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
