You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
