i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize