I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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