his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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