So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize